I have never been afraid of thunder and lightening, I’ve always felt safe and cocooned when it’s stormy. This no fear attitude and the hypnotic effect of lightening on me, has got me into some stupid situations - storm watching on top of rooves, lightening crashing down all around me; standing hip-deep in the sea watching as a storm crossed over the bay of Cascais; getting soaking wet, barefoot in the garden watching the sky as I felt the thunder rumbling through my feet - stupid but magnificent, visions and feelings I would not swap for anything in this world.

I feel like thunder and lightening are nature’s way of reminding us she’s there, a little nudge to say “er…I’m in control!” Whether it’s by flood, wind, lightening, drought or earthquake, nature always takes back what she wants, it really is that simple. So when it’s thundering and lightening is ripping through the sky, I just think of old mother nature shuffling around and grumbling that the human race is ruining her beautiful planet.

For the longest time I’ve been turning over a new leaf and the journey has just seemed so difficult. I kind of knew what I wanted, sort of knew how to get there and had more-or-less an idea of how I wanted my life to be, but everything was so vague. I seemed to be fighting an endless battle to get to… I don’t know where! (more…)

I’m having one of those enlightening times. Over the past months various factors have contributed to this realisation I am having, to the conclusion to which I have reached.

1. Starting counseling sessions
2. Beginning to learn about and understand myself
3. Loosing two grandmothers
4. Seeing Paula grow and become a mother (more…)

Oooh it’s a strange day! My dearest friend’s waters have just broken and she lies waiting to bring her babies into the world. (more…)

It’s at times like tonight that I remember how lucky I really am. When everything is silent and the day has finally calmed into the night, I have space to think. (more…)

Second chances are a strange thing.

There are times when we desperately want to be given a second chance, to make up for messing things up the first time around. We’ve learnt from our mistakes and want to use the luxury of our hind-sight to put things right. (more…)

The waiting is over. She is gone.

Everyone was waiting for you and I hope you enjoy the party! Dance, laugh and give everyone my love.

Goodbye dear vó-vó.

For a few seconds she saw me, heard me; for a fleeting moment her memory let her remember that she knew me. Then she was gone again, back to that terrifying confused world where she understood nothing and knew no-one, not even herself. (more…)

It has struck me this week that I am using my counselling sessions as a kind of confessional. I have struggled with my Catholicism for years and have all but turned my back on it, finding fault with so many of the ‘rules’. Yet I find myself pouring my heart out to a complete stranger every week, as if I were confessing to a priest! (more…)

2008

The beginning of a new year whispers excitement and adventure, change and possibility. It makes me think over the last year and consider what I need to change in my life.

A blank canvas of time, ready for me to scrawl all over it! Where will I go? What will I do? Who knows!

I am under no illusion, 2008 promises struggles and hard work but I am putting my best foot forward and once more unto the breach I go!